Bereavement or losing someone we love is always difficult; however, if you have the chance, there are some things we can do that can help smooth out the troughs of despair we will face:

• Being prepared. If you know the other person is dying, it is essential to be able to talk about the practical and emotional aspects of what is about to happen. Suppose your significant other person (partner, parent, child, friend) is dying. In that case, it is important to talk about the jobs they used to do in the relationship, about finances – and these days passwords etc. – and about your life after their death. Most importantly, don’t leave unsaid what you will regret not saying later. Too many people regret not saying something to their loved ones and feel guilty about it. Not saying it, no matter how hard it is at the time, will hinder your recovery time afterwards.
• Although it is difficult, think about whether you want to see the body of your loved one or not. There is no right or wrong answer; some people regret not seeing the body others wish they had not. Think it through carefully and listen to what your feelings are telling you.
• Take your time planning the funeral. If you can discuss the arrangements with your loved one before they die, this can ease some of the immediate pressure. If not, take someone with you when you talk to the funeral director, don’t feel pressured to go beyond your budget or do things you do not want to do.
• It is tempting to make significant life changes (selling the house, moving towns or even abroad, changing jobs … ). I would suggest you don’t do it. There is an old saying about doing things in a hurry and repenting at leisure; after someone has died, our judgement may be clouded, and our decisions might be a source of regret later on.
• Look after yourself; this is really important. The stresses and strains of losing someone often make us susceptible to illness. Eat properly and make sure to get your rest/sleep. If you need to, go and see your GP. Talk to your friends, or if you feel uncomfortable, talk to your GP, who might recommend you talk to a counsellor; try not to bottle up your feelings just to ‘put a brave face on’ for other people.
• Do not turn to drink. It really will not help.
• On a very practical level, do not get involved in any new financial arrangement without discussing it with friends and family and seeking professional advice.
• Keep in touch with friends and colleagues; when you can, find out about clubs/classes where you can socialise.

In the next post, I will discuss what friends and family can do to support the bereaved person.

Useful Links:

Cruse Bereavement Support

Bereavement support for people in Somerset

Somerset Suicide Bereavement Support Service