Let’s be clear: it is normal to get angry. Anger can have a positive effect on your emotions. When you see something happening that is unjust, someone being ripped off or taken advantage of, most of us would feel anger, but it is a wave of rage you control. When we act, we are left feeling righteous about our actions and anger, experiencing positive feelings by promoting justice, respect, ethical behaviour and morality.

BUT…

When anger controls you, it is a different story. If you are quick to feel a fit of intense rage driven by frustration, inconvenience, or even annoyance (especially when others view the matter as trivial), anger has taken control of you. You might even think or even believe that you are the victim, regarding your anger as a response to perceived injustices, disrespect, or people deliberately trying to frustrate you, pick on you or criticize you.

There are other tell-tale signs that the anger is unhealthy; our relationships with other people both at home and at work are strained. You find yourself unable to let perceived slights or mistakes go unchallenged.

Ultimately, your quality of life and that of others begins to suffer.

anger affects us physically and mentally

Uncontrolled anger is destructive. Over time, the anger shows itself as intense and harmful, inward and outward focussed actions:

• Internal actions might include alcohol abuse, drug abuse, addictions to porn, self-harm, poor self-care, risk-taking,
• External actions: bullying, child abuse, domestic violence, and road rage, which can lead to problems with those we care about but also with the law.

However, uncontrolled anger also affects us physically. Most of us know that if we are angry, we are ‘on edge’, ready to fight or run away (the fight and flight mechanism). In this state, we notice our breathing is quicker and our heart rate quickens; we might get palpitations, sweat more, muscles might shake, and the only release we can find is to take action and hit someone.

You might also be aware that you cannot concentrate as much as you used to, so spend more time thinking up schemes to get revenge and run over past events and how you could change them.

modern living causes anger

Just think about how you live your life. Most of us live a fast pace of life which extends to driving. Just think of how other road users (drivers, cyclists and pedestrians) anger us when they are not doing what we want them to, especially if they are not dawdling or ignoring our version of the Highway Code.

And it is not just drivers that struggle with road rage. What about when people ignore where they are walking, their heads are stuck in their phones, or when they decide to stand or sit right next to us, invading our personal space? A wrong word may start an argument or even a fight.

Maybe we get angry and pass it on to other people. Work might be infuriating, but we must be friendly, so we take it out on our partners when we get home. Or the other way around, work might be an escape from being at home, a place where we can let our anger out, in a controlled manner, on colleagues or suppliers.

When we are home, what about the neighbours’ kids running across our garden, the guy next door deciding to play his music loudly, or the single mum constantly shouting at her kids? Instead of helping or having a quiet word, we sit there fuming, the frustration turning into anger until we let the offending person have it with both barrels.

There are many frustrations that we face every day that wind us up. Being able to respond to these frustrations healthily will help keep you physically and mentally healthy.