One of the difficulties that many counsellors face is trying to help clients balance different aspects of their life; perfectionism reflects a lack of balance e in life. Finding that balance is important. For example, we can argue that anxiety is bad, but we need to experience a degree of anxiety to be able to perform effectively, or that we should be confident, but overconfidence inhibits our performance. In a similar way, perfectionism should be balanced.
When I write about perfectionism, I do so from the understanding that the word expresses a personality trait used by people to set themselves a high standard of performance and to critically evaluate that performance (Hewitt & Flett, 2004). Whenever a client wants to address the issue of perfectionism, it is invariably in a negative way, and yet there are many areas in which there is a need to ensure that we might, rationally, aim for perfection. If we are writing a PhD thesis, offering to counsel, creating a vaccine, or setting up a new business, we would want to establish a good reputation for being trustworthy; wanting to avoid careless errors, and being ‘almost’ perfect, is not necessarily a negative attribute.
The keywords are rational and irrational when perfectionism is elevated from a desire to a need, where a rational desire is transformed into an irrational need that dominates our life.
On a personal level, research suggests that perfectionism can increase the likelihood of depression, emotional exhaustion, increased levels of negative anxiety and, in extreme situations, suicidal tendencies as people try to escape the constant, unachievable demand.
The problem is that when we move from a rational desire for perfectionism, not only do we irrationally begin to become inflexible in our demands, but we also impose that demand to be perfect on other people. As we impose our demands on others, we begin to harm our relationships with those around us.
In, what has become an influential study, Hamacheck (1978) highlighted the difference between positive, rational, normal perfectionism and negative, irrational, neurotic perfectionism. Normal perfectionism helps us to pursue our goals – realistic and objective goals – in an efficient way that does not harm our physical or mental well-being. When perfectionism begins to control us, rather than the other way around, neurotic perfectionism is said to start. We lose our sense of what is good for us, being driven by (possibly) a fear of failure or a need to please someone else (for example, a parent who told us to do our ‘best’) we begin to set unrealistic expectations of ourselves (and others).
It is OK to set high standards for ourselves to help us achieve a high level of personal performance; however, when we focus intensively on the gap between those expectations and our performance – a perceived failure to achieve those targets – we move from a position of building mental fitness to one in which our mental fitness is challenged by illness such as depression, anxiety, or a general feeling of dissatisfaction with our lives leading us to seek release in other ways, for example drinking more (Richardson et al., 2014; Elion et al., 2012; Gnilka et al., 2012; Moate et al., 2019).
References:
Elion, A. A., Wang, K. T., Slaney, R. B. & French, B. H., 2012. Perfectionism in African American students: Relationship to racial identity, GPA, self-esteem, and depression. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 18(2), pp. 118-127.
Elion, n.d.
Gnilka, P. B., Ashby, J. S. & Noble, C. M., 2012. Multidimensional Perfectionism and Anxiety: Differences Among Individuals With Perfectionism and Tests of a Coping‐Mediation Model. Journal of Counselling and Development, 90(4), pp. 427-435.
Hamacheck, D. E., 1978. Psychodynamics of normal and neurotic perfectionism. Psychology: A Journal of Human Behavior, 15(1), pp. 27-33.
Hewitt, P. L. & Flett, G. l., 2004. Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (MPS): Technical manual. Toronto, Canada: Multi-Health Systems.
Moate, R. M., Gnilka, P. B., West, E. M. & Rice, K. G., 2019. Doctoral Student Perfectionism and Emotional Well-Being. Measurement and Evaluation in Counseling and Development, 55(3), pp. 145-155.
Richardson, C. M., Rice, K. G. & Devine, D. P., 2014. Perfectionism, Emotion Regulation, and the Cortisol Stress Response. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 61(1), pp. 110-118.