Counselling for men needs to engage our hearts (emotions), minds (intellect) and will – along with having a strong practical element.
Many clients come to counsellors seeking something of a miracle. Immediate relief is preferred; if not, answers to all the questions – particularly “why?” – would be an excellent second option! As a counsellor, I know that providing instant relief and instant answers can happen; a client can walk through the door, and suddenly the light bulb goes on, and we have an answer and a way forward within minutes: but that is very rare. Most counselling is a hard slog for both the counsellor and the client.
Counselling for men is about more than just emotions.
I find it funny that many believe counselling is just about discussing your feelings and emotions. Such a perception scares many men off from seeing a counsellor. How can a man talk about his feelings when he doesn’t have the language or the experience in the first place?
To expect things to change when we talk about our emotions or feelings magically; is both unrealistic and potentially harmful. Of course, our emotions are important, but we must recognise that our feelings can lie to us, and our perception of our emotions can be wrong. Counselling for men should be approached with a willingness to engage our intellect and will: our brains and willingness to practice and keep going need to be involved. The trinity of actions for counselling are emotions, intellect and will; counselling needs to be reflective, intellectual and practical – otherwise, we are wasting our time.
My Grounded Counselling model
I work on a six to ten-session model; inside the session, we focus on our emotions and understanding (intellect); outside of the session, I will set practical homework – that is where your willingness to practice and keep going (will) is essential. If you are willing to engage, I believe passionately that we should be able to see changes happen within that timescale. My passion for this type of work and thinking in these timescales for change is that unlike any of my colleagues, my advanced training at the University of Bristol specifically focussed on delivering short-term counselling. However, I also recognise that, depending on the client’s issues, we may need more or less time.
Of course, those who have read through my website might ask why I offer single-session online counselling sessions if we cannot get quick results. Good question. The answer is that, for single-session therapy to work, a great deal of planning and groundwork needs to happen before the session starts. And an essential principle of single-session counselling is that further support is available should it be required.